The Waiting Game

Transcending the idea of always “waiting".

I recently did a timeline therapy session with a conscious and clever practitioner. She has come at the right time, as Universe always has it, and it has been a game-changer for releasing old beliefs. One such notion, that I am always waiting first occurred at six days old in this lifetime.

When taken back through time to release a belief I had around rejection, I saw through the innocence of fresh eyes the top tips of white walls of a hospital. On my sixth day of this life, the waiting for my mother to return left. I had registered somewhere in my conscious self that she was not coming back. The abandonment hurt. For decades.

Following this session, my mind was curious to seek patterns, as it always has. It was quick to point out that I had waited years for the partner in my most unhealthy relationship to stop smoking pot and become calmer and kinder, for the love and passion felt with my wife to return, and now to move to Queensland. Mental realm conjecture began to apply this notion to my current relationship and had me negative for a day thinking I was repeating this waiting pattern with futility.

The fascinating thing I wish to intercept the “waiting game” with is a narrative therapy approach. If applying this, I may question was I merely waiting? I reflected on the relationship with my former wife, was I only in it those last years waiting? I realised, that no, I wasn’t just waiting. I had enjoyed hundreds of days living life with her, caring for our baby daughter, travelling, eating delicious healthy food, having great conversations, being in the ocean with her etc. There was a lot of learning and supporting one another in our careers at that stage of our relationship. The family bonding was consolidated and exists today.

I cannot help but wonder, how much of our lives is interpreted through our perspectives.

An option exists to think I waited, or to see that I was living all along and did not waste time.

A further alternative is not to think at all or choose a perception and be present to every experience. The soul, having the human experience. For when in this state, the factor of waiting, time, lost time etc. does not exist. Only the experience itself, which will be with me in ways forever. The limits exist only in our minds. Our decisions around our past being “good or bad” is based on our bias for that day. As for time, this the human-made measurement cannot accurately capture what was or will be. It is also a construct of the mind.

I did not wait. I had many experiences, as a totality they have influenced and impacted me here today in ways noticeable and unimaginable.

Artwork: Sailor Letang Mariani